The most exciting and romantic thing happened this weekend at Life is a Bowl of Cherries, the local bowling alley. What it was, was: The Hot and Steamy Timmy Bones French kissed me. It was a really fantastic incident. Basically, I wore my new designer jeans and I have this really cute pink bowling ball that I got as a congratulations from my parents for making homecoming court, as always. So I looked mucho caliente. (Shout out to Mr. Maneuver’s fourth period Spanish class. I got an A- in you!) I went and threw the ball down the lane and knocked over a bunch of pins. Then I stood up and whirled around and my hair blew around and the next thing I knew he was frenching me! (I’ve frenched before, twice: once with Shep Shepserson at the Swedshon Golf Club spring social and with Troy Trazzburg at the county fair. He wanted to go on the ferris wheel and french me more but I was all, no.)

Anyways, he frenched me for at least 10 seconds. Donna McDonald told me she counted it in her mind, and she counted ten seconds. Millie Miller timed it on her new Omega watch with floating diamonds, and she said it was actually closer to eleven seconds, so I dunno what to believe. Everyone saw and was like, “Hoo, hoo, hoo.” Basically, I rule.

Sometimes I feel so psyched up in my heart about how excellent my life is going, like about the Holiday Hop, for example. I’ll wear a dress from Le Fashion Fransays once it opens and I’ll probably flip all my hair over to one side and catch it with a fun clip in the shape of a star or a pineapple or something funkadelic like that. The Bones will wear a super-sleek suit with a matching tiny top hat (which is to be expected).

In conclusion, I would just like to say that it is highly appropriate the the bones and I should go out because I am the most popular girl at West Swedshon Junior High School (our school which we attend), and he is the most popular boy. I am the leader of the Dudettes and he is the leader of the Funky Hunks. So basically, we are compactable and this is the perfect match. Mettaforically speaking, I am oil and he is water. Hopefully for my engagement ring the Bones will offer me the very rare heart-shaped diamond (there’s like three of them in the world and they only grow in mines). This is all after I get back from college and Paris, by the way. I’ll wrap it up by saying that I dream of becoming a writer. That’s where Paris comes in. I need to be there in order to truly find myself. Eiffel Tower, here I come!!!

read The Hot & Steamy Timmy Bones Account of Their French Kiss

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